Thursday, August 9, 2012

Let's Arrange LOVE, in Marriages...


The institution of marriage began so that a man and a woman, through their Joy, through their Strength and through their act of sharing might become creator of life itself....Marriage therefore is a high and holy state to be held in honor among all men and women....!!!

As we all know marriages are basically of two types....the one which is planned, executed and blessed by parents and relatives is "arranged marriage".... and the other one is "love marriage" which is entirely based on mutual attraction among the two partners marrying each other.

As far as Indian weddings are concerned, because of our social structure arranged marriages are more preferred or we can say this type of marriage dominates the Indian culture and society. On the other hand love marriages are always considered forbidden by a majority of people in our society. May be because they don't want to look at life from the angle known as modernism. Though over the period of time the percentage of love marriage has also increased drastically, may be because our gen-next is getting more and more exposure of western culture. But still love marriages are considered inferior by majority of parents in our country and somehow they have a feeling that arrange marriages are there to last long as compared with love marriages.

Some of you may not agree but I personally believe that destiny also plays a role in bringing those two people together who ultimately go into a relationship which fulfill their need for intimacy and emotional nourishment. And its only because of the destiny that many people who thought they would marry only for love, ended up in arrange marriages or vice-versa and lived their entire life happily with their respective life partner, in short type of marriage didn't had any effect on their married life. So friends, what I mean to say that "as long as your better half doesn't become bitter half, it doesn't matter how you marry, what matters is how you live with your spouse after marriage so that you remain a better half and not bitter half", because whatever it is "Love Marriage Ya Arranged Marriage", once you are married, a marriage is just a marriage and to make it successful, one should always....

Listen with the ears of tolerance ! 
See through the eyes of compassion !
Speak with the language of love ! (Rumi)

In fact being any marriage successful or failure has nothing to do with "Love Marriage Ya Arranged Marriage". Actually both are equally good and has got its own advantages and drawbacks known to all. Remember, marriages never fail just because they are love marriage or arranged marriage but most marriages fail because of 'selfishness n arrogance', because of 'ego n attitude' and because of those irritants behavior, spouse do with each other just for the sake of satisfying their ego. And for making any marriage success it is very important for the individuals to understand each other and behave like matured people. Anyone who is planning to marry must be mentally prepared for the commitments and responsibilities coming in after marriage....And if at all there is a second thought about it then he/she must not go for marriage unless they make up their mind.

The fact of the matter is, every marriage is a social event, so it has to be arranged....And arranged by whom is not important but to make any marriage successful what is important that one has to have love in it....That love happens before or after is entirely a matter of chance. Moreover if you see around will find many people saying "aroma of love which they are feeling after marriage had never felt before".

So, the best way is, "arrange the love in your marriage, no matter what type of marriage you undergo...."
After all "a successful marriage  requires  falling in love many times with the same person...."  (Mignon McLaughlin)

Moreover if marriages are decided in heaven(as it is believed), then why this debate, don't the couple that is meant to be together will stay happily together, irrespective of what type of marriage they undergo.

Come, let's pray for all those who are trying to find their life partners. May almighty God help them in finding true love and real friendship in their prospective partners.  After all God is the best planner.  Let's have faith in him...!

May the Almighty save our marriages in this age where marriages fail for silly reasons and may the Almighty grant us tremendous happiness in our marriages.  Aameen...!


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This post is for "Love Marriage Ya Arranged Marriage" contest by SONY Entertainment Television on Indiblogger.




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irfaaaann@gmail.com

82 comments:

  1. Can I tell you something?
    Has marriage got anything to do with marriage?
    People fall in and fall out of love.Marriage is an institution of convenience and legitimacy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Antony Sir, i agree that now a days people are not that much committed in their marriage as they should be but still there are good number of people who believe in the institution of marriage and respect it...!!

      Delete
    2. I am sorry my comment got posted in the wrong section - will try and see if I can move it all the way below.

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    3. it doesn't matter where it got posted...thanks for stopping by NRIGirl.....:)

      Delete
  2. Let me quote from my own article on the subject-
    There is no time tested formulae for successful marriage. Horoscope or no horoscope, it is all ‘luck by chance’ situation. Perfect understanding, mutual trust, will to make minor adjustment in adversity, unconditional love, commitment, feeling of respect and responsibility towards each other as well as family can all go a long way to make the marriage work. Love marriage, arranged marriage or live in becomes secondary issue then.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you said it all here Sir and i wish n pray that more n more people understand it so that they can lead a happy n blissful married life.

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  3. Marriages are so complex. There is no one standard formula that makes it work.

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    Replies
    1. Rachna Ji, i think its we the people who make marriage complex otherwise its a beautiful happening in anybody's life...:)

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    2. Irfan, Though I agree with your points, I do not agree that we make marriages complex :). There are so many different people out there with different personalities, upbringing, expectations etc.; hence marriage is increasingly becoming a very complex relationship.

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    3. yes, i agree Rachna ji but don't you think that at times individuals do add more complexity to this with their ego, attitude and unreasonable expectations from their respective life partners...hope i am able to make my point clear this time....:)

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    4. I think we are each speaking of the same thing from a different point of view, that's all :).

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  4. Very well written irfan ji... Your points are valid... ego, selfishness, a bad attitude, arrogance and unrealistic expectations are what kill a marriage.... whether arranged or love!

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  5. love & marriage-two words that r quite higly rated, not sure if you'd agree though.
    & yes, i too believe its destiny that brings man and wife to be united in life.

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    Replies
    1. yes i do agree but partially bcoz i think its love(apart from one that is among the married couple) which has been highly rated and for me marriage is something which is so important in every one's life that its natural to be highly rated...Thank you :)

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  6. I loved the title of the post .. but i think the problem is we are mingling thigns whats love or arranged got to do with marriage .. they are prior to marriage ..

    marriage is a completely different ball game ...

    moreover love is something that doesnot need a marriage :)

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bikram agree or not, beauty of love is only with the marriage, as they say "do pyaar kerne waaley shadi kar lein to unhein manzil mil jaati hai" :)

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  7. No way can one gaurantee a succeesfully marriage via arranged or love.
    However,I wish,someone old solve the mystery of marriage.

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    Replies
    1. and thats what i have tried to say here that be it love or arranged, any type of marriage doesn't guaranties its success.....Thank you Sir.

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  8. Irfanuddin,

    Another blogger here had rightly said that success of a marriage does not depend upon finding the right partner but on being one. This post must be read by youngsters who are planning to get married or are just married, why that everyone as a matter of fact.

    Take care

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    Replies
    1. I am glad Jack saheb, that you found it so appealing and apt, Thank you.

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  9. You have said it all very well. Marriage is hard work and it doesn't conform to filmy or serial formulas. Each one is unique and every couple is unique. The only common things are trust, understanding, commitment and tolerance. And yes, the success and failure have nothing to do with how it came about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, success or failure has nothing to do with how the couple ties the knot....Thank you.

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  10. Irfan, I believe you have hit it perfectly right here. This is one of your best-written articles. So, whether love happens before or after marriage is not important as long as it is existant. What will happen if a partner does not want to fulfill the vows of marriage after getting into it???

    There needs to be a conscious will for nurturing the marriage. Although a marriage can not be an end for love, it gives love the respect it deserves. And it is the perfect beginning to love, whether love happens after marriage or has happened before marriage.

    Without marriage, love has no respect.
    And without love, marriage has no meaning.

    Both are intertwined with each other and have to go hand in hand for a couple's life to have meaning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, thanks a lot Punam...
      and yes, the matter of fact is "marriage n love both are inter-wined with each other" and people have to understand this fact.

      Delete
  11. I can’t agree more! Love or arranged... no marriage life last without adjustment and understanding each other! As u said falling in love often and sharing an intimacy is very important in marriage and being trustworthy makes the relationship significant.

    Well written Irfan!
    Best wishes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am glad you liked it Jeevan, and thanks for the wishes :)

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  12. Very true... It really doesn't matter what sort of marriage it is... At the end of the day both should just be happy... :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. exactly, happiness is the key...

      Thank you.

      Delete
  13. Arrange the love in marriages. It is such a lovely thought. You have written it beautifully. Totally agree that the happiness of a marriage does not lie in the fact that it is love or arranged. It depends on whether there is love after the marriage. Lovely thoughts and beautifully put too.

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    Replies
    1. thanks a lot for this appreciative comment Raj and yes it all depends on how much love the couple have among them after the marriage....

      thanks again for stopping by...:)

      Delete
  14. "Arranged love marriage" is the best option, yet whatever type of marriage is it--it's all arranged in heaven indeed.
    The involved couple is responsible for mutual understanding and care for each other otherwise it's a failure.
    In the beginnig everything looks so sweat but with time only tru love survives and the fake love fades away.

    *******Good post Irfan!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. indeed mutual understanding is the key for successful marriage...

      Thank you tariq bhai...!!

      Delete
  15. Been here first time and I am a fan :) The title grabbed my attention as you rightly said that arranging love in a marriage is v important. every love marriage needs to be arranged and every arrange marriage has to incorporate love into it to be happily married.

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    Replies
    1. thanks for the visit and follow Kiran.... i am glad you like my views on this complex issue...keep coming same way...:)

      Delete
  16. My brother,
    Very interesting post. It is all about opinions and culture. I could not have anyone pick my woman or wife. No one can pick LOVE my friend. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  17. i know Andy saheb, when it comes to talk about LOVE, no one can beat you....you are so good at expressing love into those lovely poems....:)

    Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Very true :) The whole concept of marriage- two compatible people living a comfortable life- has been made hugely complex.Arranged or love,any marriage survives on the ability of the couples' willingness to support and understand each other properly :)

    Nice post by you :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, as i said mutual understanding n adjustment among the couple is the key factor for making any marriage success.

      Thank you.

      Delete
  19. I think I've written this line more than a couple of times but here I go again :P

    At my age, I wish my parents would arrange marriage LOL...We don't have that in the Philippines except among the rich and the Chinese... but now, more and more couple opt for live-in or for single parenthood than marriage...

    I do believe in love marriages but yes, I agree whether it's arranged or not, love is developed.

    Well, may God show me the way :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and melissa, my dear friend....here i am praying for you that Almighty may show you the right way without any further delay...Aameen....:)

      Delete
  20. Hi Irfan,
    Visiting your blog after a long time..somehow I got busy with activities in Food Mazaa.
    Thanks a lot for your wishes.
    I agree with you on this topic... whether it is Love marriage or arranged, it is in our hands to make it successful. Apart from loving each other, we have to learn to make adjustments and some sacrifices too.No one is perfect in this world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. welcome back Shobha...yes no one is perfect and must accept an individual with his/her shortcomings....
      Thank you.

      Delete
  21. Well said Irfan ji. Despite the nature of the marriage, what is important is how the couple adjust with each other post marriage. That is what really matters.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Very well researched,analysed & written Irfan. Ultimately for any marriage love or arranged, to succeed there has to be sacrifices,adjustments, tolerance,perseverance and love.
    Have a great Sunday!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Krishnan Sir....thanks a lot...:)

      Delete
  23. nice post :) all the best :) Here have a look at this one whenever you get time ......

    http://saurabhchawla2345.blogspot.com/2012/08/its-all-written-up-there.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks for the read Saurabh...
      read ur post there ,its nicely written by you...:)

      Delete
  24. thought provoking post i must say i'll show it to my sister:D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you zarnab, i wish all the happiness for your sister in her married life....:)

      Stay blessed...!!

      Delete
  25. to my mind .. its all destined.. love or arranged ..one needs an adjustment and some maturity level ..rest anything can go wrong anywhere ..here in US many dont know meaning of arranged marriage ,,, for them its a complex term .. and for some arrange marriage is everything but still things go wrong..
    so its your destiny and rest a good choice like house of cards which number is best...
    nothing is good or bad ..it s "WE"
    who need to keep attitudes n egos aside!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, a little bit of adjustment with maturity is all which can lead any couple to a blissful married life....Thank you.

      Delete
  26. love is what matters to me :), loved reading your post for quite some time. Thank you for visiting me :)
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. indeed its only love that matters to anyone, no matter its before or after marriage as long it exists there after the marriage....

      Thank you.

      Delete
  27. I cant agree more. Love or arrange marriage end of the day it is how you work out your marriage. Thanks for visiting me. Let me know whether you like to follow each other. Will love to follow back.
    www.thoughtsofpaps.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the read, glad to have you here....following you now...:)

      Delete
  28. Thanks for following me. Following back.
    www.thoughtsofpaps.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Looking forward to have you again here....thank you...:)

      Delete
  29. This is a very balanced post I must say. As you mention love or arranged the success of any marriage depends on the people in it and the effort they make to nurture it. Sure destiny does play a part in bringing people together but I must confess that what passes for "love" is often nothing but infatuation and when people marry for that reason it falls apar.

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    Replies
    1. Thnks a lot Meera ji for that thoughtful comment.....

      Delete
  30. I am often confused over what is made for me... :P
    But whatever it is, what really matters is how we continue to live with it. :)

    http://anshul-gautam.blogspot.in/2012/08/the-photo-frame.html

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    Replies
    1. My dear friend Anshul, let the time come all confusions will certainly be over....Thank you.

      Delete
  31. A very balanced post Irfan and there is no denying that for any marriage to work a feeling of compassion, mutual trust and love are the basic building blocks!

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  32. Well well well, a serious take and i agree with all points. All the best :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hi Irfan!! Thanks for stopping by!

    have been reading your blog for a long time and but never commented. This comment is just a thank you msg and for your time to comment :) Now will go ahead and read the post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so happy that finally you commented...just hope to see your comment here again as and when you read something here in near future...thanks for stopping by.... :)

      Delete
  34. A well written post, Sir. Agree with all the points you have mentioned..:) The only question is whether you can make it work or not, whether it's Love Marriage or Arranged...:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Prashanth for the read....:)

      Delete
  35. Yes, there has to be love in it. Great narration Irfan and all the best for the contest!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the read and for the wishes Saru...:)

      Delete
  36. In fact the distinction made out between 'love marriage' and 'arranged marriage ' is baseless and misplaced. Marriage is one of the sixteen 'samskar ' in Hindu religion and belief and therefore it is enjoined upon the parents to arrange (for) the marriage of their children. In this way every marriage is arranged. Love marriage on the other hand is a result of mutual understanding between the groom and the bride to be to decide about marrying each other after a brief or long association- whatever be the ground for that association - without the intervention of relatives. Parental consent follows and ceremony takes place in the same manner as an arranged marriage. Both the marriages could work well or fail miserably, depending on the compatibility factor. In fact it is ideal if love follows as the marriage grows.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well said Sir, there is nothing better than "if love follows as the marriage grows..."
      and thanks for this thoughtful comment Sir...:)

      Delete
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