Saturday, June 18, 2011

Forget n Forgive....



All of us have been hurt, betrayed or humiliated...and more often this is done by some one very close to us....May be a parent, a sibling, a friend or a spouse...and when that happens, it gives bitter resentment....it forms something like gangrene with in us, which in turn becomes a grudge in our heart against those people.

And from here we start thinking to extract our pound of flesh or simply we want to take revenge....and perhaps this unquenchable desire for revenge is quite natural for every human being.

But why do we think of revenge, when someone hurts us knowingly or otherwise???

Well, one of the most important reason is that we no longer want to live with that grudge, instead we want to feel better....and once some how we take revenge, we start feeling relieved we start consoling our self that now its ok and we have extracted our pound of flesh.

But here is the twist, couple of days back, i read an article about taking revenge and forgiveness, it says "the best way to feel better after being hurt is not through revenge but forgiveness"....The author says "forgive your enemy because it offers tremendous psychological and physical benefits".... it further says, "When you forgive, you no longer go through your life emotionally handcuffed to the person who hurt you".

But my question is, "if forgiveness really has so much benefit for us, then why many of us insist on revenge and resentment?"

One reason may be that because we equate forgiveness with weakness or capitulation....we believe that forgiving means saying that we were wrong and someone else who somehow did wrong to me was right.

But according to the author of the article, "forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook, rather its about pulling the knife out of your own gut."

What i like most about the article is, it says "while our whole life is coloured with ideas of revenge and bitterness, the other person blissfully remains unaware of our misery and doesn't feel anything bad."

And finally i have come to a conclusion that  "its always good for our body and the soul to forgive them who hurt us"....but again, its not that easy always....
what do you think ????.....

67 comments:

  1. Awesome article on revenge VS forgiveness..

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  2. That's my life's experience too...

    Well written post Irfaan.

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  3. Though practically difficult for people who have good memory to forget, forgiving is definitely good for our mental and physical health.

    An healthy post :)

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  4. @Avii.... welcome at my space Abhishek....glad to have you here...plz do come again, thank you...

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  5. @NRIGirl.... thanks for the visit n the appreciation.


    @Asha.... yaa, certainly difficult, butttt good in the end.... thank you :)

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  6. Agree,it is not easy but at least we can just ignore the hurt.

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  7. life is not a smooth roller coaster ride. it has many ups and downs that we need to over come and move on from one pillar of failure to other pillar of success. to do that we need to forgive and forget the unprivileged and disputed part of life, sometimes forgive the immature. this forgiveness is sometimes hard to commit. still if done, it closes the pores of a weak soul and increases the tenacity of a character. thus forgiveness is a healing process for a sinking soul to awaken and move on. forget the forgiven, thank them because you got a lesson to learn.

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  8. @Ayyangar Sir.... and once we start ignoring hurt, it will be quite easy to forget the whole episode.... thanks for the visit Sir.

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  9. @fantacy in practicality.... you hav very well summarized it Sancheeta ji.....and thanking them will be a step ahead of forgiving... thank you.

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  10. Forgiveness is the noblest revenge, they say but not all of us are so noble. We try but rarely succeed. It's a thought provoking article, thanks for sharing.

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  11. for me its forgive the person but never forget him, Nice read :)

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  12. To forgive is divine and to forget is indeed blissful.

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  13. Yes it is true..but forgiving is not an easy task..it has its own pain..

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  14. @sulekha.... yaa...its not that easy to be noble every time..thanks.


    @Rachit.... but its half done i think, bcoz unless we forget its difficult to forgive perhaps... thank you :)

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  15. Wonderful post once again :)..
    We know that forgiveness is worth than taking revenge but then also sometimes our mentality don't allows to do so..A wise man who know's how to take benefit! :)
    Agree with you..
    Take care

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  16. @ZEAL.... indeed it is.... thanks a lot.


    @TOMZ.... yes..its never easy but as they say its good in the long run... thank you.

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  17. @simran.... glad you like it :)
    yes, sometimes its not that easy to forgive n forget, buttttt.....

    THank you so much Simran :)

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  18. Often in my reflections I find it difficult to answer when "forgiveness" topics are at hand... It would be a lot easier if we just drop a case, a mistake... look way past the weaknesses of others but it just doesn't work that way. Our human tendencies lean more to pride... Once I told my confessor that I want to confess my unforgiveness but I just can't at the moment...and he told me then don't... time will come when wounds will be healed...

    About "forgetting"...forgive and forget...I think this does not happen. Our memories are quite sharp on the hurts we have received. I think when everything else is forgiven, and the memories are healed, then even the mind relaxes and lets go... but as long as the hurt is there, the memory will keep on coming back...

    So in a capsule I just want to capture the essence of real forgiveness. Strength to do it comes from God... we must feel God's love first in order to move us to transcendence...

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  19. @melissa.... well, this is what the truth is and as i said its not that easy to just forgive n forget, it requires a lot from one to do so....thank you so much for making it so clear here.

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  20. Wonderful post,Irfan...and as usual u give me food for thought. Initially I used to think of taking revenge,but realized as to what a fool I am,by doing so,I am bringing more pain in my life.Today,the people for whom I don't really care for,or those who have hurted me a lot,I feel sorry for them..

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  21. Revenge or forgiveness... I have always found it as one of the most difficult choice to make... But my mom always says forgiveness signifies strength and not weakness and is necessary for the person who committed the mistake but more importantly for us.... For our piece of mind....

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  22. KhshmaaDan MahaDan ..

    Sahi me ye asaan nahi hai magar utna kathin bhi nahi ...

    Very Well Written

    Sushant

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  23. Forgiving and forgetting have always helped me in life .Great post Irfan .

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  24. Now I know what to answer to Miss Melissa about forgiveness. =p

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  25. Forgiveness too has a limit.Some people take your forgiveness as youe weakness.

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  26. nice post.i think that its not so easy to forgive and forget but its easy to take revenge and hence most people choose the second option.
    to forgive ppl who have hurt us should be taken as a challenge.....

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  27. Revenge is something practical, something you can do, but forgiveness is something related to your own feelings - I keep on saying, "I forgive, I forgive" but the hurt does not go away - so perhaps we need a practical strategy of forgiveness!

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  28. @Alpana Jaiswal.... wise thought of urs about forgiving.... thanks for the encouraging comment n visit.


    @Tanishka.... i think ur mom is right....
    btw glad to have you back here... not seeing you around these days, hope things are fine at ur end.

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  29. you are right. When hurt, one wants justice. But sometimes forgiving helps one to heal within. It is very very difficult to let go, it is easier to hang on and fester. And forgiveness is so difficult sometimes.

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  30. @sushant... yes, KhshmaaDan MahaDan !!! Thank you.


    @kavita.... thats really good, and inspiring for others too....thank you.


    @FAYE.... :) Thank you.

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  31. @Chowla Sir.... yes sir, when we forgive someone, its always considered as our weakness these days by most of the ppl.


    @Haritha.... yes, in a way forgiving is challenge to our self, thank you !!!


    @Sunil Deepak.... an strategy for forgiving...that sounds interesting....
    btw welcome at my space sir, glad to have you here, plz do come again..Thank you.

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  32. @Rachna.... yaa, its not so easy to just forgive n forget...Thank you !!!

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  33. Nope not easy to forget and no matter what I dont beleive in that .. I try to forgive BUT why should they be forgiven.. Have we not realised so far that when we forgive , they go and hurt someone else .. SO had we not forgiven and stopped them .. then someone else would have had a better life...

    I do know that only the strong and brave can forgive , cowards cant forgive.. Well maybe I am a coward .. But I dont want to I was to see the same pain and hurt in there life who hurt me .. simplessssssss

    I do know what you have said is All right and true But then end of the day we are human and only God can forgive everyone .. I am jsut a mere mortal and a human I cant forgive... Especially those because of whom the whole life has changed ...



    Bikram's

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  34. @Bikram.... yes i do agree that its not easy to do the forgive thing, butttt again till he is punished, one has to burn his own blood n raise his own BP...and the author says its actually you who is being punished in the process.....
    So in the end its a tough call i think.

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  35. By taking revenge, there won't be any difference between u and the person who has hurt us!
    It's better to let go and stay strong!
    It's hard but it's for the good :)
    Thanks for your comment! Do come back!

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  36. @♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫.... wise thought, i suppose.

    will be there again for sure....Thank you.

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  37. ur ryt but u noe revenge has its benefits:)

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  38. Really nice post but I wanted to comment so much that it became a post.Please read it here The Power Of Forgiveness

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  39. @sneha.... thats why most of us go for it perhaps..... :) thanks.


    @Abhishek.... certainly will go through that one.... btw thanks for stopping by.

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  40. You are sometimes it not easy to forgive and forget :)..well a very remarkable post ..thanks for sharing !!

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  41. Great thought and it has always worked for me.....I forgive completely and try to forget too.

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  42. @Geets.... thanks Geeta ji :)


    @Alka Gurha.... thats really nice to know about you...and its inspiring also for others to think abt forgiving instead keeping a grudge against.... thank you.

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  43. Aptly said Irfan and I completely agree. But some of them right out there, really do not understand this fact even after bringing the awareness a 100 times. What can be done with such stubborn souls? Any idea or suggestions.

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  44. well written irfaan!Well ,forgive"word is easy to say ,but difficult to achieve even though we would have said it.If we have really forgiven ,then we shouldn't be having any grudge,isn't it?So for a person to really forgive is hard,may be he would have forgotton the incident ,but that particular thing done will always remain in heart as a grudge or bad memory

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  45. @ಅಶ್ವಿನಿ/Ashwini.... Just remember that it doesn't matter whether someone deserves forgiveness or not but you want to be free from that grudge developing into a tumour.....buttt again its not that easy for us always..... thank you.

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  46. @raji.... yes its easy said than done....and the most important thing is to come out from that grudge or that bad memory, which is not so easy always for any human.... Thank you.

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  47. Nice article :)

    Forgiving someone who has done us wrong requires a strong character.As mentioned,forgiving someone is equated to weakness.But it takes courage to forgive others and move on.Sometimes,we hold grudges against ourselves too,and thats when "forgive yourself" comes.

    Thought provoking....hope many people(including me) who have grudges against others,try to be more forgiving after reading this :)

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  48. i agree..u bet it aint easy,,even if you do not take revenge forgiving is not easyyy..

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  49. true Irfan... it is not always easy to forgive. If the person who hurt you is one you love, then it is easy to forgive...

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  50. agree with you
    we must learn to forgive everyone.

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  51. @Anu.... Thank you :)
    "forgiving yourself" , we all do it now n then with some interesting excuses but the problem comes when we hav to do same for others.
    lets hope so....:)


    @Talha.... thank you dear....hope you are doing well, just not seeing you around these days.

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  52. @Stranger.... yes, it depends upon whom we want to forgive... thankn for coming over here again.


    @sm.... thank you sir.

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  53. Hi..
    My first visit here!

    This is a very nice article that depicts the way a human should take to lead a peaceful life...
    peace automatically comes to man when he learns forgiving!Liked your view regarding this :)

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  54. @Gowthami.... thanks for the visit n the follow, hope to see you more often now....

    i am glad you liked the article n the views, thank you :)

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  55. hello

    nice post!
    I read some where "there is nothing b/w me and my enemy but b/w me and god"

    keep your 'karmas' clear and focus on ur goal, that brings success in life, i feel.

    check out this :
    http://hummingwords.blogspot.com/2010/09/best-revenge.html

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  56. "while our whole life is coloured with ideas of revenge and bitterness, the other person blissfully remains unaware of our misery and doesn't feel anything bad." Very well pointed out.

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  57. I believe this theory varies to person to person and situation to situati..but a little revenge is always good for health...you cant just let people take their ways with you, everyone is mean in his style...so thats what I do...I return the mean ways with even more mean-ness;p its not I dont forget or forgive but I cant let people take my kindness for granted so I make them regret doing that at the first place;p

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  58. I have forgiven some one and from that day I could not forgive myself.. What do u call this?

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  59. it is definitely not easy but shedding the excess baggage of revenge/grudge makes the journey through life lighter and more pleasant

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  60. Wow. What a wonderful article. Proud to be connected to you ...because your thoughts represent you....

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  61. @AS.... hi...thank you !!!
    well, if we can focus ours elf like this then every thing will be so smooth you know, but unfortunately somehow we just get distracted and couldn't do this.


    @JAGDISH BALI.... welcome here sir, hope to see you again here, thank you.

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  62. @Mishi.... hhmmm perhaps most of us as human like doing this only...and then say nothing wrong in being practical...
    btw glad to see you here n thanks for the follow, plz do come again whenever i post my next.


    @Priya.... what is important more than forgiving for us is taking out that grudge which lies deep into our self, as long as that grudge remains we never forgive n forget.

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  63. @magiceye.... and thats what ultimately we need "lighter n pleasant".....isn't it.


    @A.... :D you made my day sir ji, in fact much more than that......what to say,
    Thank you...thank you so much :)

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  64. Forgiving is indeed one of the most difficult to do. But for some reasons, I have easily forgiven people who have wronged me. Holding grudges against anyone is equals to depriving yourself from being happy. Lost trust is something I find hard to rebuild.

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  65. @cee.... well its not necessary that if you are forgiving someone then you should start trusting him/her again too.... thank you.


    @Manpreet.... thank you. :)

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  66. nice post...yes we should forgive ..always BUT BUT...being an emotional fool shld never forget past experiences ...and try to be safe...rather then sorry...
    Most of the cases I end up Sayin sorry BUT I try to keep distance well knowing it shld not happen again.
    :)

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